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Do You Still Need to Put a 20% Down Payment On a House?

Buying a home can be one of the biggest and most exhilarating purchases of your lifetime. Especially in a time when young people are having more difficulty locating affordable housing, finding yourself in a situation where you think you have finally saved up enough money for a down payment on your first home can be […]

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Missing Insights from the Virtual Water Cooler

In the past couple of years, we’ve learned a lot about working remotely and/or in a hybrid fashion. We’ve figured out how to sustain productivity, run meetings, have brainstorming sessions, and so much more.
 
But for many of us, something still feels like it’s missing—that chatter that happens by the water cooler. And I don’t just mean the casual how-was-your-weekend catchups, but the informal conversations that remind us we’re not alone in the experiences we’re having as we navigate this still uncertain and unprecedented moment.
 
Part of my work is to help companies capture and understand the voices of their employees—to learn what their experiences are, where there are opportunities for change, and what solutions or interventions may be the most impactful. I do this by conducting Listening Sessions—essentially focus groups designed to unlock employee sentiment which I then synthesize and feed back to leadership teams.
 
What I’ve noticed in recent months is that employees are beginning to use these sessions to replicate those missing water cooler conversations. Participants are not just offering feedback to their leaders during these sessions, but they’re also validating each other’s experiences while sharing actionable strategies that anyone can pick and use.
 
In case you’re missing your own water cooler moments, today I’d like to share with you some of my favorite insights and strategies I’ve had the good fortune of hearing over the past many months. Whether you’re a leader or just a citizen of your organization, there’s something actionable for you to take away.

1. Taking breaks must be normalized

Burnout, exhaustion, overwhelm—they’re all still present. Companies know this, and they’re preaching the importance of taking breaks. But telling people to take breaks in the face of back-to-back meetings that run all day is not helpful.
 
So what is helpful? According to my listening sessions, employees want to see break-taking get normalized—highlighted, talked about, even applauded.
 
In one session, I heard about a leader who started kicking off their team meetings by sharing something fun he did on a recent break (like watch a cat video) and then asking others in the room what they planned to do during their next break.
 
This simple practice made it not only acceptable to take a break but almost unacceptable not to—because then what would you have to share?
 
So, give this a try. Don’t sneak in a break and pretend it never happened. Share it with the world, reminding them that you’ve recharged and now you’re ready to dive in with a clearer head than before.
 
Chances are you’ll be a trendsetter.

2. “Fun” is in the eye of the beholder

“Know what’s not fun for a recovering alcoholic?” a participant in a listening session asked me. “Mandatory happy hours—on Zoom or in person.” 
 
This comment took the conversation down a rabbit hole of recognition that too many leaders are trying too hard to mandate fun
 
While there may be legitimate value in having a team come together in a casual format—just to connect without agenda or formal objective—there’s also a need to give people space to find or make their own fun.
 
This group advocated for giving everyone an hour a week to do their thing—be it participate in a lunch-and-learn or take an online course, or read a book or go on a run or do a bit of philanthropy—all during the workday. Being serious about fun means making time for it “on the clock”—that’s a true commitment to wellness.
 
So get the ball rolling by asking your teammates what their version of fun is. Are there any themes running through? If so, ask your boss if you can take the lead on hosting a session—maybe a book club or a cooking class (not a happy hour!)—that everyone can participate in. 
 
And if no theme jumps out, then try suggesting a Free-Hour-Friday during which everyone gets to do something of their own choosing… and then shares a 30-second highlight during your next team meeting.
 
Giving team members space to find their own fun and then sharing highlights with the team helps people manage their energy while also driving team connection.

3. We must respect each other’s choices

There are companies who have stated “no politics in the workplace” policies, but the truth is that these days nearly everything, from sports to healthcare to education, feels political. 
 
Instead, what I’m hearing in these sessions is that employees want a call for respect rather than a ban on politics.
 
To come into the office or not, to travel internationally or not, to support certain streaming services or professional sports leagues or brands or not—it’s all a matter of personal and complicated choice.
 
We’re having to make choices and assess risk and values at nearly every turn. And we’re all kind of exhausted. So we don’t want to expend more energy on hiding or defending or justifying our choices.  
 
So start by role modeling respect. Recognize that everyone is making so many decisions right now. Don’t challenge or question them. Live and let live. 

4. Inclusion is bigger than just an invitation

Inclusion and belonging are coming up a lot these days. Teams are recognizing in many cases that there is more diverse representation around the table.
 
But what they want now is to hear more of those diverse voices.
 
Bringing diverse talent in the door is table stakes. The real question is what are we doing to give voice to that talent, to hear their insights, ideas, questions, and concerns? 
 
Here are some of the suggestions I’ve heard mentioned in these sessions to drive a greater sense of inclusion:
  • Seek out opinions and feedback early when you’re working on an idea. If you wait until your plan is fully baked, the invitation for feedback seems disingenuous.
  • Connect with employee resource groups (employee-led groups designed to be forums for team members with a shared characteristic—race, gender, life-phase, etc.) and invite their perspectives early and often to help shape your thinking.
  • Network regularly and intentionally with people in different parts of the organization so your perspective starts to expand.
The point is to recognize that diversity is a solid start, but that inclusion is the name of the game. Tap into the breadth of wisdom and perspective available.
 
I hope something here has left you feeling less alone, and maybe even with some clarity on an action you’ll take.
 
If you have an insight to add to the list, I’d love to hear it. Drop me a note at [email protected] to let me know! 
 

Want to Be an Executive Assistant? Here’s How.

Think becoming an executive assistant might be the right job for you? Here’s what to expect and how to land a job.

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Best Life Insurance Companies for People Over 50

Even healthy people over age 50 often find it harder to find affordable life insurance coverage. Learn about the best life insurance here.

Examining the Race Gap in Homeownership

Despite the Fair Housing Act of 1968 and other federal laws, a large race gap in homeownership continues to exist across the United States. The Black homeownership rate in the fourth quarter of 2021 stood at 43%, compared with 74% for non-Hispanic whites, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. A large race gap in homeownership […]

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How to Achieve Executive Presence in 2022

Years ago, a friend told me she was up for a promotion into a pretty senior role at work. She’d been told she was ready from a skills perspective; she just needed to boost her “executive presence”—or her ability to present herself in a way that inspires trust, credibility, and poise—as someone “in charge.”
 
Her company hired a coach specializing in executive presence to support her on the journey. When I asked my friend a few months later how it was going she said “It’s great! My coach has taken me shopping three times, I look like a new woman, and that promotion has finally been announced!”
 
If you’re horrified by this anecdote in 2022, I hear you. It actually happened in 2013, and I was horrified then.
 
To be fair, in that time executive presence wasn’t only about appearance. But in certain companies, looking the part was non-negotiable. And when I launched my consulting business in 2015, I wasn’t willing to coach for executive presence. I was appalled by the bias and lack of inclusivity inherent in its framing.
 
But now, we’re in 2022. The world is upside down and all the rules have changed. I do believe the ability to inspire confidence remains as critical as ever today. But I also believe the drivers of executive presence have shifted.
 
I even coach for it today based on a framework I believe is relevant and fair. In 2020, Frances Frei and Anne Morriss published the concept of the Trust Triangle in the Harvard Business Review. And I believe trust lies at the foundation of executive presence.
 
So if you’re looking to dial up the confidence others have in your leadership ability—whether you’re hoping for a promotion, a speaking gig, a university professorship—then let’s talk about how leaning on authenticity, empathy, and logic—the three components of the Trust Triangle—can get you there faster.

Authenticity

Trust begins with showing people the “real” you. This doesn’t mean you have to overshare or give up your privacy. It simply means a single version of you shows up in every situation and is aligned with your values and beliefs.
 
Frei and Morriss do acknowledge that there are legitimate reasons why someone may feel compelled to hold parts of themselves back.
 
“There may… be times,” they say, “when expressing your authentic feelings may risk harmful consequences: Women, for example, are disproportionately penalized for displaying negative emotions in the workplace, and black men are burdened by the false stereotype that they are predisposed to anger.”
 
But again—authenticity doesn’t mean expressing every emotion you feel to the fullest extent. It means being willing to state your honest opinions, hold the line on your values, even express yourself physically in ways that feel most true to who you are. 
 
For me, the power of authenticity is less about you, and more about the environment you create for those around you. When people see you expressing yourself—verbally and physically—it opens the door to a true diversity of opinions, ideas, and approaches. It unlocks imagination, it makes debate and disagreement safe, and it allows even the “dumb” questions to be asked.
 
When you’re able to lead authentically, you build trust, you trigger inclusion, and you unlock innovation. What organization wouldn’t want to promote that?
 
So how do you be more authentic? Here are a few ideas:
  • Look in the mirror each morning and ask yourself whether you recognize the person staring back as truly you. If not, let her in.
  • State your values. And hold yourself accountable for upholding them every day.
  • Practice asking “dumb” questions in the presence of others. Recognize that oftentimes (a) others had the same question and (b) your asking ends up moving the team or project forward.

Empathy

Next, we have empathy, which is essentially the degree to which you can appreciate and tend to the experiences of others. And demonstrating empathy is grounded in listening fully and actively.
 
Listening matters now more than ever because we are continuing to head into uncharted territory. Even the most experienced leader doesn’t know what’s coming next. So the best leaders in 2022 are the ones capturing and honoring a range of perspectives.
 
To dial up your empathy, here are a few suggestions:
  • Turn off distractions—put your phone away—during conversations with others. It’s hard to demonstrate empathy when you’re distracted.
  • Focus on what others need to get out of a meeting, rather than focusing on your objectives. When you ensure others’ needs are met, you’re in the empathy zone!
  • Just check in with people—without agenda. Making a practice of being present, of truly wanting to know how others are doing, builds your empathy muscle which, in turn, makes you all kinds of trustworthy.

Logic

The final point on the triangle is logic. In essence, it’s the degree to which others perceive your ideas, your statements as sound. It’s a reflection of the rigor of your analysis, the thoroughness, and the thoughtfulness of your plans and timelines. People trust leaders whose ideas hold up.
 
Have you ever listened to a really emotionally compelling speaker who’s spun an inspiring tale… and then later you realized that while it all sounded great, there was no substance behind it? 
 
I call these bumper sticker ideas. “Live each day as if it were your last” is inspiring… until you really think through the consequences! Someone’s gotta pay the mortgage, right?
 
I coach leaders to stay away from bumper sticker ideas when they’re striving to dial up their logic.
 
Here are some practical tips you can use:
  • Before you communicate a plan or important idea, road test it with someone you trust. Are there holes? Contradictions? Address any gaps before you “go live.”
  • Where there’s data, check it twice. Even just one numeric misstep can erode trust quickly.
  • Acknowledge uncertainty. Logic doesn’t require that everything be known. You can present a solid plan that still carries uncertainty—just be sure you acknowledge that uncertainty (with a promise to resolve it) rather than fumbling your way through an evasive answer.
As you think about a leader you trust—one you consider to be a role model or mentor—can you spot these three points of the trust triangle in how they show up?